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Champagne Breakfast Ménage

Mistress J

Tired of ordinary ménage a trois? Or simply looking for something a touch more risqué? Combining the decadence of Champagne in the morning with the hedonism of spectacular sex may be the ultimate indulgence. And if you throw in free-range scrambled eggs and whole grain toast, it even gets the healthy lifestyle stamp of approval.

The idea of a breakfast ménage began when my friend Susan and I decided that we both needed a splash of adventure. She thought things in her life had been a touch flat lately; I had an overwhelming craving to do something outrageous before setting off on my bi-annual dutiful daughter trip to Canada where I get to spend three fun filled weeks in a small town (population 2,000) listening to local gossip and chomping at the bit to get back to Surry Hills.

So we decided that Friday morning at 10 a.m. would be a perfect time to have a ménage. It gave her time to drop off her children at school and me to go to the bakery. So I rang Adam, the gorgeous 31 year old casual lover every girl about town should have, to make sure he could get away from work for a couple of hours.

Setting up a ménage is easy in theory, but difficult in practice. Susan and Adam had never met so I was the common denominator. Would they like each other? When you set it up as a breakfast ménage, all parties have the option of suddenly having to be somewhere else. Susan could have claimed she had to collect the kids as the teachers had walked out on strike; Adam could have checked his mobile and discovered an important meeting had come up. Providing the options for gracious exits is always a good idea.

Susan arrived somewhat apprehensively with a bottle of bubbly and some smoked salmon. When my mobile beeped I said, ‘That will be from Adam saying he is going to be ten minutes late.’ It was. Even though they are casual, lovers can be so predicable. Everything was arranged, so shortly after he arrived I started cooking the eggs.

Over breakfast we discussed international foreign policy, the situation in the Middle East and whether or not George Bush was the stupidest president the American had ever elected. Okay, so I admit it wasn’t the sexiest of conversations, but it did establish that we shared common interests and that we could communicate. And without communication, a ménage simply isn’t going to work. After we’d eaten, I suggested we adjourn to my bedroom, a logical and comfortable relocation. By then we were feeling comfortable with each other so shedding clothes and having sex was easy and relaxed.

Adam and I have played before so we have an understanding that the woman who joins us is our guest – and therefore she deserves the primary focus and attention. With Susan it was just a natural progression. She wanted good sex and that is what she got. Later it was my turn. The physical interaction between Susan and I was minimal. While guys seem to have this strange idea that if you put two naked women in a bed together they will automatically turn into raging lesbians, it simply isn’t true for all women. And anyone involved in a ménage should only do what s/he wants to.

So how do you organise champagne breakfast ménage? First of all, determine if you are comfortable with the idea. If you are jealous or concerned about body image or worried about what other people may think, going out for lunch with your aunt might be a better option. How do you and your female friend get on? While you will be the gracious hostess, she also has to be willing to share. It is a good idea to talk through exactly what it is both of you want to get from the experience.

Then comes the tricky part – finding an appropriate man. Women often don’t have the same taste in men. So my advice is that you error on the side of young and gorgeous. Interestingly enough, many men in this category are quite happy to be invited to come to play with two women. The thought of two women is a great fantasy. Actually being in the situation, most guys suffer performance anxiety. Be gentle with them.

According to Adam, age and size aren’t factors: ‘I just love women who take care of themselves because they are so sexy. Young, older, mature, it doesn’t matter.’ His sentiment is shared by many men, so put aside your inhibitions. In a ménage situation it is unlikely anyone but you will notice the extra two kilos or that you really do need a haircut.

What about the menu? Keep it simple. Bubbly. Scrambled eggs. Toast. Smoked salmon. If you want to complicate things slightly you can always introduce hash brown, fried tomatoes and beans. If you really want to go over the top you could always have it catered, but it seems to me that it would defeat the purpose of the ménage, as food might become the focal point.

And then there is the question about whether you have breakfast before or after sex. I’d recommend eating before. It gives everyone an opportunity to establish a rapport and decide if they want to adjourn to the next stage. Besides, after sex people may have found their appetites have already been satisfied and the fresh bread and free- range eggs could be wasted.

The most important ingredient in planning a ménage, breakfast or otherwise, is to have fun. If you take it too seriously, it isn’t going to work, so relax, have an extra glass of bubbly and enjoy.

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Mistress J was born a Dominatrix: first child, Chinese dragon, INTJ, and a public extrovert/private introvert. During her decade in the dungeon –1998 to 2008 – she thrived. Although she has retired from caning bottoms and whipping clients into shape, she has a wide range of sexual knowledge to share with those who are interested. As well as being a Dominatrix, her J-ness has a Ph.D in adult education and taught at universities. She is currently a writer and an editor. Her advice? Get rid of your inhibitions and enjoy sex, domination and fantasies for what they are – and should be – fun, entertaining and rewarding.

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